Healing Old Wounds Kael'thas in Rehab
by thewickedweasel
Summary: Prince Kael finds himself in drug rehabilitation after abusing magic. PG-13 for drugs reference and bad language. Updated! RR please.
1. Chapter One: It Begins

Prince Kael'thas was most certainly having issues – what those issues were, no one really knew.  
  
However, one day Kael woke up with nasty purple bags under his eyes and found himself continuously vomiting until there wasn't much left in his stomach than acid. He realized, after examining his "tossed cookies", he found that his issues were being caused by abuse of drugs – most specifically, magic. Magic is the most notorious drug Azeroth, the Outlands and Kalimdor (followed by shimmerbliss, an inhalant made from shimmerweed) and he decided that he needed to get off magic – even though mage's high was a most pleasurable experience.  
  
The blood elf found that there was only one way to get off magic: withdrawal. He had experienced withdrawal before, the hungry, unbearable gnawing at his soul (coupled with nasty mood swings and a bad cold) made him shiver with recurring memories. However, after poking around at Google, he found another answer – drug rehabilitation centers.  
  
There was a certain center he had an eye on – it was run by Drek'thar, an orc shaman, after helping many orcs recover from withdrawal from demonic energies and after he fixed a rather nasty addiction to shimmerbliss. Ever wonder why you have to gather shimmerweed for him in the bonus orc FTF campaign? After experienced withdrawal with a couple of blood elf buddies, Kael knew that it was better to suffer with others, and that the end result would probably be better – magic was starting to eat away at his soul, not to mention his appetite.  
  
Magic was starting to eat away at his strength, and even as his hand dialed numbers on a phone, Kael's fingers were weak and shivery.  
  
"Hello, this is the Stormrage residence. Who is this and how may I help you?" A wise Kaldorei woman's voice sounded at the end of the phone.  
  
Tyrande? What in the name of the late Quel'thalas was Tyrande doing at Malfurion and Illidan's house? Then the elf remembered Furion and Tyrande's relationship – it would probably be better to not ask.  
  
"Ishnu'fallah, it's Kael'thas. Can I speak to Illidan?" He cursed himself for his slightly slurred, feeble voice.  
  
"Ishnu'fallah. You sound terrible, Prince – are you well?"  
  
Kael pondered what the Priestess' reaction would be if he told her that he was a pothead – magichead. Her views on the demonic powers were probably much like Furion's, after the whole drama with the younger Stormrage. "Just a bit of a stomach thing. Made me vomit a little, but otherwise, I'm fine."  
  
"Here's Illidan, then."  
  
"Kael?" The demon-elf-something was slightly groggy-sounding in the morning.  
  
"Ancestors help me, I'm addicted to magic."  
  
"Every one who uses magic gets addicted. What is your point?"  
  
"You seem to be missing my point. I'm not just addicted, I'm horribly, nastily, life-damagingly addicted. I'm going to rehab today, and I need a ride."  
  
"Sounds like Azshara." There was a pause. "And Furion just kindly reminded me that I was addicted to magic. Sure, I'll drive over to your flat – give me a chance to escape Mal and Ty. They're not even young and they're acting like seventeen-year-olds! And the age gap..."  
  
Kael knew Illidan was jealous of his older brother's happiness as he hung up the phone.  
  
"Hi, I'm Steve, and I'm an Everquest addict. I'm here because I tried to sell my kids on Ebay to get a 9 medallion of Wisdom – my wife made me quit and come to rehab."  
  
"Hi Steve!"  
  
Kael stood up after Steve, a middle-aged man with glasses and black hair, finished his introduction. He was dressed in civilian clothing; jeans and a black Blizzard T-shirt.  
  
"Hello all. I am Prince Kael'thas, blood elf and blood mage – as you can guess, I am a magic-addict. After my soul was nearly eaten, I decided to find a rehabilitation center."  
  
"Hi Kael'thas!"  
  
There were many faces in the crowd. Some were humans like Steve who had surrendered themselves to serious drugs or online gaming, some were elves and some were orcs. There was even an undead woman who looked like one of Sylvanas' Forsaken.  
  
The rehab would be difficult to face – but Kael would face it.

ENDNOTES: Yes, magic is a drug. Everyone check your Warcraft Lore - the orcs, the Highborn, the Blood Elves, warlocks... no one can resist the evil pull of magic!  
  
Well... umm... Reviews are welcomed! The second chapter's coming soon – we'll see what happens when His Majesty meets the other addicts, be they of drugs, magic, or MMORPGs. 


	2. Chapter Two: Death Threats

A/N: Thanks a lot to my reviewers, and sorry for the delay... summer break's come, and my family's been doing a lot of traveling. This chapter, Kael meets Stacey the gnome, and has a real heart-to-heart talk with the author.

"Now that you've all had your say, let me introduce myself!" A spazzy-looking, blonde gnome girl stood atop a desk in the front of the room, dressed like a pop-princess teenager. "I'm Stacey, and I'll be your counselor. I'm sure we'll have a great time together!" When she spoke, a strange clicking sound was made – it seemed that her tongue was pierced with a diamond stud. Kael'thas was most certainly not amused.

He was encouraged, though, that Lady Vashj of the Naga had brought a few of her close servitors and come to see the center for herself – maybe get a little help while she did.

"We'll be starting this quarter of your therapy by breaking up into small groups, overseen by a professional, and you'll share your stories of woe and tragedy from the substances that have ruined your life." Stacey proceeded to break people into five groups (there were about twenty people).

Kael wondered how this therapy seemed to resemble kindergarten. He even remembered a teacher from his kindergarten named Stacey, who he was convinced was actually a forest troll in disguise, planning to kill them all and eat their flesh when she was done. It never happened, much to his disappointment – he needed an excuse to kil something at the time.

"So I had died, and I thought that was the end, right? I wanted to accept it, then I'm raised from the dead by this ugly guy in robes with a skull on his head, and look at me now. I joined the Forsaken, because I hate those Scourge bastards, but I guess being dead really destroyed me a second time." The undead woman was telling her story, and had apparently put on too much perfume to disguise the smell of rotting her own flesh – yet sometimes that fresh flowery scent can be more nauseating than death.

"What did you do?" Another counselor was overseeing Kael's group; he was a scruffy, bookish, yet kind-looking man. Her addiction could be anything: marijuana or another gateway drug, magic, antidepressants...

"I..." She had started to break up into tears. "Well... I know this guy who works at Blizzard Entertainment... and I got into the World of Warcraft alpha testing. I mean, I just... indulged myself."

There were gasps from her companions, ranging from surprise to envy.

"I'm hopelessly addicted... My undead Warlock is at the level cap, and she's joined a guild that's one of the best known in Azeroth. I spend whole days glued to my seat... I want to stop my addiction, but be able to go back every once in a while."

"I'm sure we can help, Ella." The psychologist gave her a pat on the back and a handkerchief from his endless supply – it seemed that they just kept on coming. "Anyone else want to share their tales of woe? Kael?"

"Mine's the normal Blood Elf story... Quel'thalas invaded, Sunwell corrupted, and I lead the remnants of my addicted brethren to a source of power." He tried his best to look ashamed at this point, like everyone else had. The elf sure didn't feel ashamed – he actually felt pretty damn proud of being a soulless, bad boy magic-addict. "We found one... demons."

Again, gasps of surprise – except from a succumbus from a nearby group, who spat on them. "I found myself in a bad state of mind and body, so I got a tip-off from the god of search engines and got myself here."

After everyone finished their story, they were ushered out to the cafeterias to have lunch, which consisted of food of public elementary school quality. Kael didn't bother with food and engaged a rather lively discussion with Vashj about night elves, corruption, hot dogs, and the profound connection between all three.

"'Lo there, Kael! How do you like the story so far?"

The elf's blood froze. "Goddamn!"

A young Darkspear troll sauntered over to their table. She was somewhat rotund for one of her kind, but still well-muscled, her ragged green hair was worn in a long ponytail, and a pair of oval, silver-rimmed glasses sat on her long, hooked nose. A laptop case was slung over her shoulder – a laptop that Kael feared beyond measure. Wicked's laptop.

"Good to see you, too," the troll smiled and pat him on the back. Her accent was not that of a regular troll's – it carried a slightly British nuance. "I was wondering if you have any feedback I could use for the next chapter."

"Wicked," Kael'thas said through gritted teeth. The ridiculousness of the story suddenly dawned on him. "You have me in rehabilitation, with a bunch of addicts of a game that isn't even out yet and doesn't even let you play a blood elf. Me, the second-in-command of Illidan the Betrayer himself."

Wicked flashed a smile at him that she probably meant to be cute, but came out rather... well... wicked. "I know! Isn't it great?"

Vashj began to say something, but not before Kael lunged over and throttled the author. "I swear to all things holy, girl, you will die by my magic, which I will _not_ give up because of some idiot girl's fanfiction! You will be gutted and your corpse burned in the flaming blood of my dead brethren!"

Wicked grinned again, but this time she meant it to be fully malicious – and it was. "It wouldn't be wise to try that, friend. Not if Illidan's on my side."

Vashj sighed. "Don't you see, my prince? This young woman is the only person the master knows who owns an Xbox. You remember how the master loves Splinter Cell, do you not?"

Kael banged his head on the cheap cafeteria table. "Damn Ubisoft for making that game. Damn it all to hell!"

Wicked laughed. "I feel you, mon. Illidan's always hogging the 'Box now; never lets me play Morrowind." She blew a kiss at them and walked away, humming an old Warcraft II tune.

"I never trusted trolls..." Kael muttered. "Now, what were we talking about, Vashj?"

"Hot dogs," the naga queen said. "Just think of hot dogs, my prince."

Kael spent the rest of the day with a happy, oblivious smile on his face, for he was listing the ten thousand ways he could filet the author in hellfire. He didn't even pay attention to Stacey the gnome, who was more annoying than ever.

A/N: Ok, second chapter done! Excuse the author cameo – I just couldn't resist. Next chapter you'll learn more about the not-so-mysterious Stacey, and her relevance to the plot. Wait... what plot?

Remember, : all reviewers get a free spot in the WoW beta!

... Not really.


End file.
